I’ve been recently struggling

in Lifestyle

I’ve been recently struggling.

I’ve been recently struggling to find the motivation, drive and creativity to post something worth posting on my blog. Should I post a monthly favourites? Should I write a travel tips post? Should I post a recipe?

No.

I’ve been recently struggling.

I’ve been recently struggling with my anxiety – more than ever. And it’s quite useless for me to post any of the above when my top priority at the moment is to deal with something bigger, much bigger.

So I decided to write about this. I’ve decided to write about how I’m trying to deal with it all – because the truth is that none of us have an actual clue of what we are doing. Professionally we might think that someone is doing better than us because they are better qualified or, to remain current, because they have more followers than we do.

But when it comes to life and dealing with things we don’t get to have someone with a Degree in Living in Such a Crap World (hons) to guide us, and the people with most followers are also probably just winging it – so why not. Why not write about what I’m doing to help myself – hoping it will help someone else.

First of all, I started going for a walk in the countryside first thing in the morning – with no phone or technology whatsoever – just house keys. I spend almost an hour walking the same route everyday and everyday I can see something different – I now know where all the cute dogs live, I’m seeing spring’s beauty slowly turning into summer – lively green turning into burnt gold. I come back home, take a shower and start working.

Secondly, discipline. I make the bed every morning – and I take the stairs and no longer take the lift (unless I’m carrying my body weight in groceries, obviously). I also wash the dishes immediately after eating. These are little things in the greater scheme of life which will eventually, hopefully, lead to better discipline in general. I’ve started adding more things to this list: things I have to do even if I don’t feel like.

Thirdly, I read this. Over and over again. It’s from Aldous Huxley’s The Island:

“It’s dark because you are trying too hard.
Lightly child, lightly. Learn to do everything lightly.
Yes, feel lightly even though you’re feeling deeply.
Just lightly let things happen and lightly cope with them.

[…]

So throw away your baggage and go forward.
There are quicksands all about you, sucking at your feet,
trying to suck you down into fear and self-pity and despair.
That’s why you must walk so lightly.
Lightly my darling,
on tiptoes and no luggage,
not even a sponge bag,
completely unencumbered.”

And finally, I’m admitting my faults, my mistakes. It might seem counterproductive but it’s not – the quicker you admit you’ve made a mistake, the quicker you can start fixing it.

Apologies for the heaviness – by now you should have learnt I’m not the lightest writer.

Take care friends – feel free to leave anything that does help you in such times in the comments below

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16 Comments

  1. Such a beautiful and well written post! If I lived abroad or near the countryside I would definitely start walking in the morning. My anxiety has been quite awful lately as well and the only thing controlling its fluctuations is my medication.

    Sending love and good vibes ahead~~~

  2. Anxiety is something that only the ones who experience it can understand its intensity. Few are honest to admit that every so often it crushes/paralyses them beyond imagination. I always think of Dory’ s words in “Finding Nemo”….just keep swimming!

  3. As a silent follower of your blog posts I really relate to this one. Although my anxiety attacks (if you can call them as such) are slightly mild, my friends and the busy schedule at university was what really helped me keep my mind calm and serene but these couple of days have been slightly tough as now I face the decision as to whether I should stay abroad or return home. A lot of thoughts, a big headache = a cocktail of confusion.

    You had written a post a while back about the disorientation of not knowing where home exactly is (post leaving your home country and then returning for visits). It was spot on! I left around 9 months ago and have returned to visit family and friends more than once, and every time I return I always feel I don’t belong in Malta, that home is elsewhere. At the same time home is still not where I am at the moment. I don’t really like feeling lost (hate it actually) but I’m trying to be brave and see where I’ll end up.

    May have went a bit off track in my comment … but all in all I wanted to say that I do find solace in your posts. They’re authentic and realistic! So please don’t stop, keep sharing as you’re not alone.

  4. I sometimes “try” doing this, I either go to a park and stare/watch people or kids playing being simply innocent or just sit by the river. This would be nice to read again before going to bed, after a busy day, to remind myself to take it easy or as you said “lightly”. Good post! I look forward to more.

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